Once again I am reminded of the varying degrees of human nature, blowing hot and cold. Hot when they need you, cold when they don't.

1st Sunday

2nd Monday
1.5l of water.
wet wipes
chicken porridge - $3
makisan sushi - $10
st games - $14
ttokpokki - $4

3rd Tuesday
movie Civil War - $6.50
corn soup - $3

4th Wednesday
dinner Clementi foodcourt - $5

5th Thursday
dinner Chester's Express - $7
dark chocolate Hershey's - $2
corned beef
milk - $5

maybe you don't know but i am more active in wordpress now. :)
the world is in shades of grey.

A small voice tells me that a part of me is afraid of getting hurt again. Alas, it is drowned out by the fanfare telling me to go go go.

wherever you will go

5:35 AM in the bus towards work.
I am feeling unhappy. I feel that I am losing sight of the end. To what end am I doing this? For a person who likes instant gratification,  you are probably the longest project ever.

mental health: poor
physical health: poor

bring me to life

So sickboy90 is staying home this Saturday night. All his plans were canceled in lieu of resting at home. Plan A, B and C.

It all started 2 days back. The first early symptom, sore throat. It was a pain to talk, to drink liquids and to eat food. i forced myself to down some food rather than carry out my usual routine, to sleep during lunch. I needed the nutrients and ordered 3 dishes of vegetables.  Only after that did I get some sleep. Yes, eating and sleeping is bad practice but I felt super drowsy.

A sore throat does not just end there.  It develops into a flu. I had an company orientation program to attend that day and ended up looking for the worse. The best part of the day was that I forgot to bring my phone. No avoiding awkward moments with people I barely know. Well thanks to that, I made a few new friends, people I know but don't talk to at work. I guess everything happens for a reason and that there is a silver lining behind every cloud.

Sidetrack: 
Keppel FELS girls are pretty cute I must say.
The clouds that day were perfect.

Well afterwards, I had some chocolates (bad idea but they were free!) which aggravated the sore throat. Strepsils helped to a certain extent but by night time I was left shivering. Come stage 3, fever. Fever started off with a pre-existing runny nose which soon gave me aching gums and eyes. Dry cough soon followed.

I resolved to see the company doctor on Saturday morning. It was such an unpleasant experience no thanks to the receptionist. Although I was already briefed on the procedure to report sick on my first day, the counter staff was simply unforgiving and thoughtless. It was my first time reporting sick and I am pretty sure no one remembers an unfamiliar procedure which was briefed months back. Long story short, I took my medicine and left. I feel as if the system is not a well thought out one. How can the company make a resident of Pasir Ris travel all the way to the other side of the island just to consult a doctor for say, 10 minutes? Whatever.

Plan A: work full day - have dinner with Doris.
Plan B: work half day - go Dragon Boat training - go wheelchair basketball training.
Plan C: work full day - go for MOT reunion dinner.

All canceled. Sickboy90 stay home Saturday. I would love to be molly cuddled by you now. Please?

save me save me save me

I guess I finally caught the flu bug. I can feel it coming now. It all starts with a sore throat and then BAM! it hits you like a ton of bricks. All this while worrying for someone else you apparently had just recovered. I even have a whole orange everyday to upkeep my vitamin C intake. Whyyy..?!

live life till we're dead

i hope that whatever we are chasing now in life, be it paper, promotion, love, whatever really, take a moment to pause and breath. life is precious.
why must it take someone's passing away before we recognize this?
more to come.

i won't give up. on. us.

It has been a tiring week. Literally tiring since my whole body is aching now. Right from the top, my neck down to my arms, from the back to the hips and finally arriving at my butt. All this no thanks to the semi active week I had. Lets do a short recap of the week's after activities since hey, no one wants to know about boring work anyway right?

Monday: gym and running
Tuesday:Sucre waffles and a massage :D
Wednesday: wheelchair basketball
Thursday: shopping with coco and penghui
Friday:
Saturday: dragon boat and wheelchair basketball
Sunday: soccer

well Saturday was the real killer. it was my first time attending my company's dragon boat training and i didn't know what to expect. images of muscled and toned men ran through my head. well suffice to say, i survived. who knew that rowing would make me ache all over, not just the arms.

WITH ALL THE UGLY TAN LINES. UGH.

anyway here's to hoping your week would be wonderful and mistakes free. people are always looking to capitalize on our mistakes.

how can I live

Sigh. Feeling very depressed after seeing my fats percentage. Both body and organ fat. It stands at 21% currently.

I used to think that all people who want to lose weight are only motivated by one reason, conformity. They, like me, are the flock of sheep that feel insecure and find a need to conform to the ideal standards set by their community. It could be a six pack, skinny, muscular anything really; all the natural things that arise from our basic and primal instinct when looking for a mate. The pressure to conform brings about depression when met with failure. It can be severe or light depending on the individual.
Right now I am feeling very hot over this. :((

Maybe I really should start thinking of my health as well. Gymming, running, basketball and dieting are all not working for me now. Especially after that health report, rigged or not, scared me.
How can I care for you if I cannot even care for myself?
For my family?

Finance management is also a major contribution to my stress level.
If I had a lot of money, many of life's problems can be solved.

I best stop here. Cannot think anymore.

one man

TODAY
Mission complete.
1. talk to her
2. massage my back

my heart skips a beat

Of all days to wake up late, I chose a Saturday which is half day. Gah. There goes my cab fare down the drain later. Rushing off in the train now packed with funny smelling people. I have a semi flu thankfully.
Why did I fall back asleep?! I blame the weather.

So I saw her doppelganger yesterday. Same hairstyle, same body shape, same face shape, same dress style. It was all so similar. A part of me wanted to run over. A part of me was afraid. Then what? What do I say when I see her? We can be all fine between texts but I am sure there will be an awkwardness.

Do I really want to move on?
.. No.

is love the way out

Another Wednesday gone by.

Well I got off to a bad start with the Section Manager right at the start of the day. He told me to report at his office at 0720 hours. Which I did ON TIME. Only to find him not there. Only later when I did meet him he said that the office must be vacated by said timing. Hello?!
Anyway later during the review meeting, he revealed more of his personality.
Such a garang person. If work ends at 1630 hours, he expects us not to clock out at that timing. So come to work punctually but cannot leave on time? Double standards. I guess when you are drawing that kind of salary and in that position of course you want "face" and can afford to say that.
Well I am thankful that I don't belong to said Section. Even the briefing and orientation wasn't planned out. I am literally thrown and have to fend for myself.

On a lighter note, I have to glue that envelope together. Lets faster snail mail them! :)

Agnes.. I am not very pleased with my $35 haircut this time. :( note: be very specific and show picture of desired hairstyle in future.

these wounds don't seem to heal

i think i shall just follow a diet that is readily available online. i have been winging it or going with the flow of what i think is right and my weight is not dropping at all. must be all those happy food hahaha. i will still try to stick to my fruit diet and hope all goes well. it is not just about weight loss but also to be healthier.

missions accomplished:
gym albeit not very intensively.
ran about 3 KM only.
bought a bag of cherries home. - yay!
not be lured by the pretty cashier.

unaccomplished:
failure to post letter and postcard.
failed to eat waffles at waffle shop.

cya.

note to self

Sunday. The rest day of the week. Honestly, working a 6 day week is proving to be fine. I even do overtime to earn extra money and study. I spend more than 15 hours away from home everyday. Such is my life. It isn't working life. It is my life.

I think work is starting to haunt me. Even today, I bumped into one of my colleagues at my home ground.  Where else can you hold a chalet eh?

I may very well be married to my career.

Talking about marriage, I seem to be losing interest in love. Is it possible to find that one special person? I can have so many close best friends but at the end of the day, that are just that.

About of my close friends, I set out to write her a card today. Failed to celebrate her birthday and I owe her a Christmas card. I'm so dated huh. I scouted around but Pasir Ris has no cosy spot for me today! I don't understand how White Sands can have THREE lingerie shops but no Starbucks..

(If she was around,  she would have covered my eyes.) I missed that feeling of vulnerability, having to trust in someone to guide you.

Well back to reality. No Starbucks so I ended up at a quiet corner of the Kopitiam. Quiet for a while that is. Dang.

That bowl set me back by $2.50!! Suck money one.

in place of our own greed, a painful scar is left

keeping track and deciding which of the three blogs to use is such a chore. i shall try my best to use one main blog site.

anyway, i need to spruce things up a bit. i caught CZ12 or Chinese Zodiac 12. the great Jackie Chan's last active role in a movie. i am sad to see him leaving the industry in this manner. i fondly remember watching all his shows. the awesome fight scenes and humorous bloopers. i especially love Rush Hour 1 2 and 3.

this is a must watch series. i swear.

my personal plans next week, to go have my hair trimmed.. bzzzt.what style should i go for this time round? i am planning to keep it short. perhaps like last time? Taeyang's and Taecyeon's looks reasonable. i had the crazy though of doing a soft perm to make it wavy. i never had wavy hair. it might be fun to try it out and style it like those boy bands. another thought was to have a bowl cut. why not. it is certainly different. attention seeking, definitely.

i slowly am sorting out my feelings. valentine's day is drawing nearer and the thought of her draws a smile to my face. the heart seeks but the mind is afraid. sigh why can't we just go back to the way things were. me being selfish again.

ciao.

2013 food goals.

Sooo.. I'm embarking on a healthier diet plan. Okay so I actually started way back like in December or so? I have slowly been adjusting my diet plan and am making changes as the days go by. Nothing substantial and concrete yet. No scientific explanations to back it up, just going with general knowledge and gut instinct.

The meal breakdown is as follows:
Breakfast: Some form of carbohydrate item. I did try once a low carbohydrate diet. Very low to zero. After awhile though, I realise that it is real impossible to do so in a simple context. For starters, I do not cook my own meals. There is limited personal time and I would not want to spend it on cooking, for now. I tried cutting out bread, rice, noodles and potatoes. Think about it, what meal does not contain any of the four above mentioned items? Close to none in fact. I could only rely on western fare such as chicken chop and cutlets to stave off my hunger. Well that was that. Any suggestions are welcomed.
Okay currently I am going about with maybe fried noodles, prata, rice or a bun. Any of the item above for breakfast. Breakfast choice is limited when you wake up at 0445 hours and work at a shipyard. I just bought some milk today so maybe I can mix it up somewhere in my diet plan.

Lunch: Fruits. Any fruit I buy. Usually the variety is limited to papayas, bananas, oranges, pears and apples. I usually go for 3 pieces for papayas. Why so little for lunch? I spend my lunch hour sleeping.

Dinner: I plan to squeeze in some form of protein or meat here because I usually am quite hungry by then. Again, food choices are severely limited so sometimes I end up getting fast food like a McDouble or western fare at some coffee shop.

Please advise me!

I have also taken to liking eating bread and honey. I read somewhere that honey is good for the system and skin so I'm hoping that the diet can help me lose weight and make my skin better! :)

confession

I am a closet otaku. I simply love reading manga.

2013

2011 mostly sucked save the last 3 months. 2012 sucked. I am not looking forward to 2013.

Last gripes of 2012. This blog's original purpose to uplift, inspire and spread happiness got lost in the shrouds of time. It is just a former relic of the past, a testimony to its former glory.

Have you ever felt that your slate could never be wiped clean?  You can literally run to exhaustion, rack your brains, scrub yourself till you turn red, lift weights till your arms give way, do all that and more. At the end of the day, nothing gets solved.

As the year comes to an end, perhaps now would be a good time to sit down and reflect on the past. Just a day after the supposed Judgement Day according to the Mayan calendar.. or maybe another time.

I have been spending the weeks leading up to Christmas to the fullest. I was going about taking photos of the decorations. I reached home later than 10 PM every night, busy finding, shopping and buying wrappers for the presents. I went to meet my lovelies on some nights as well to exchange gifts.

Only now do I realise that I'll be spending Christmas alone this year.